Burrito Bandido - Sweet Horchata, Burritogirl!

For about three years now I've been driving past Burrito Bandido (227 N. Maryland Ave, Wilmington DE) every few months and thinking to myself "I really need to try that place. I just KNOW they've got to have awesome food there". Alas, I've either not been hungry (shut up, it does happen) or I've been in a hurry (ie, running late as always). Well I have learned my lesson this time. I waited too long, and those little upstarts over at The Spark got the drop on me and reviewed them first. Jerks.

I also found this review which describes the area surrounding Burrito Bandido as being "questioning" and "discomforting". This dude obviously hasn't had the pleasure of driving down 4th St at 2am. Or 2pm. Really, 4th is pretty scur-dry any time of night or day. Seriously, I ran over a cup once while driving down 4th and thought I'd been shot at. I digress.

I found myself exiting Wilmington the other night, and found the opportunity to stop at Burrito Bandido at long last. As soon as I entered I was backhanding by the visual assault of bright orange, lime green, and mexi-kitsch. We all know I love kitsch. The first good sign was a Latin (I'll wager Mexican) couple eating dinner in the small dining area. When you go to an ethnic restaurant and there are no patrons of that ethnicity there, you just know you're about to eat crappy food. The menu includes steak, chorizo, lamb, pork, beef ...and tripe, tongue, or head. I went the safe route, and got a steak burrito. The waitress was very friendly, asking me if I had any questions about the menu.

Why yes, I do. Oh please, sweet little Mexican woman, tell me what I want to hear, tell me you have my beloved Horchata? THEY DO! I refuse to believe that any Mexican establishment can claim to be "authentic" and not serve Horchata. What makes this South Jersey Jew the foremost authority on the authenticity of a Mexican eatery?

1) I spent weeks in Phoenix, AZ as a teenager.
2) I said so.

If you have not had the pleasure of enjoying a glass of horchata, allow me to explain. Simply put: Horchata is a Mexican rice milk drink flavored with cinnamon. Sir Forksalot compares it to a drinkable rice pudding. I compare it to milky proof that god loves us and wants us to eat well. It's subtle sweetness and milky consistency make it possible to eat fire and not rip our tongues out.


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I ordered the steak burrito ($6.50) and a horchata ($2.75). The horchata came in a huge quart sized bucket-to-go container. I got a cup so I could drink on the go. I got my order take-out. A dumb choice, in retrospect. I should have stayed and hung out there. Especially once I saw the size of the burrito. Let's just say that if this burrito were transformed into a living breathing man, that man would have a great career in porn. I ate it for dinner, breakfast, and lunch. The horchata was just as orgasmic as I had hoped. There were even bits of cinnamon clinging to the bottom of my cup when it was done, a testament to the flavor of the drink.





Yeah, it's a crappy photo. The Travel Channel hasn't come through with their financial backing to this blog yet. I'm waiting.

The burrito came with a green and a red sauce. The green tomatillo had an undercurrent of cool flavor to offset the spice. The red was just out to burn my face off. First bite impression: WOWZA! The steak has been marinated since last October, it's packed with flavor. Fresh crispy lettuce, perky sweet tomatoes, rice, and refried beans. I wish I'd had more refrieds and less rice, but I'm a pain in the ass that way. I really can't stress how much I enjoyed the flavor of the steak and appreciated the time they had taken to spice and marinate it rather than just grilling it up with bland salt&pepper. I can't wait for an excuse to go back and try some of their tortas.

Burrito Bandido - If you don't like it, you're a jackass bandit.

Johnnie's Dog House - Indeed.

After taking my furry children to the dog park, I took a spin on Rt 202 over to Johnnie's Dog House.



After a really mind blowing hot dog experience (yeah, I didn't think there was such a thing either) at Super Duper Weenie in Fairfeld, CT last summer (that's right, last summer, BEFORE that little upstart Guy Fieri went there) I've been hoping to find something of the same kin closer to home. Pulling up to the very retro chic Johnnie's Dog House I immediately got excited about what delights awaited me on the inside. The name is a little misleading, they do serve things other than dogs and fries. They also serve fish sandwiches, pulled pork, roast beef, and I was to find out later -a side order of despair. However I was in search of a yumm-o hot dog. Sir Forksalot at my side we headed into the surprisingly crowded building.




One of the patrons kindly recommended that we try the Coke, as it was bottled in Mexico where they have a slightly different flavor.



He was right, the flavor was subtly different. The retro kitsch of drinking out of a glass bottle mixed with the decor made you feel almost like you were transported back to the time of the imagery on the walls. The charm wore off by the time I ordered, however. I don't need a lot of interaction, but it's just plain polite to:

A) Make eye contact.
B) Say "Hello".
C) Say "Thank You".
D) Not sigh when I make a request on my order.

I could have forgiven this easily, but as soon as I was done ordering I took note that everyone behind the counters seemed like they weren't so much working as they were waiting for their death sentence to be handed down. Yeeesh. The first sign of trouble came when I saw them pulling out a food service bag of onion rings. I had some sort of childish hope that a place that lives off of nostalgia would be make their food from scratch. We got our orders to go since we three small whining dogs in the car. This would prove to be a mistake.

I ordered the New Yorker without mustard, but WITH sauerkraut and red onion sauce. This set me up for disappointment as the only time I had red onion sauce was at Super Duper Weenie, where it is made by hand.



I sure was disappointed in the red onion sauce. Mostly because - THERE WASN'T ANY! Instead of making my dog to my specifications, they left out the red onion sauce all together. By the time I got home and realized this, it was too late to go back and throw my weenie in their face. And believe me, I wanted to smack a ho' with my weenie I was so peeved. The dog was okay, but a bit bland. My initial anger at the lack of onion sauce never quite wore off. The onion rings were, as I suspected, quite terrible. The breading had a stale flavor to it and I'm not sure how you manage to make an onion ring completely void of onion flavor...but they did it.

Sir Forksalot got a Kielbasa with Sauerkraut.



Now I like Sauerkraut, but when it's the highlight of the sandwhich -it's a bad thing. I'm not sure where their Kielbasa is coming from, but it needs to go back. It was like cheap bologna. You know it's supposed to taste like something, but you're not sure what.

They fell way short from the mark. Johnnie's promises "The foods you crave" and they deliver it. Just without it, you know, tasting good.

Johnnie's Dog House - Not good enough for my mutts.

Michael's Jewish Deli - A Kick in the Knish!

When I made plans to see Batman: Dark Knight the IMAX experience at the King of Prussia Mall, I planned ahead and checked out a couple of websites like TripAdvisor.com and Chow.com for recommendations on where to eat. Since Sir Forksalot has never eaten in a Jewish Deli before, and Michael's Jewish Deli is renowned for their huge selection of beers, that's where we headed.

Our visit to Michael's started out on a down note. We failed to pre-order tickets, and a midweek midday showing of the movie was sold out. Defeated, we purchased tickets for Hellboy instead went in search of grub.

First of, Michaels doesn't have a huge selection of beers. They have a enormous selection of beers.



Four cases of single bottles of beers from all over the world. My only gripe is that I had a hard time choosing. They've got the standard Miller Lt, but also have everything else under the sun. After ten...okay, after fifteen minutes of staring with an open jaw at all of my options, I finally selected a bottle of Three Philosophers. Sir Forksalot was hankering for the one beer they didn't have: Killian's Irish Red. Instead he picked out a Hooker. Hooker Irish Red Ale that is.

We settled down in the dining area and salivated over the huge menu. I tried to explain to Sir Forksalot what a knish is. It's not really that difficult if you actually break it down (a potato filled pastry) but instead of using words to describe it, I began making "Yumm" noises and had to rely on the waitress to explain it to him. I ordered the New Yorker (yes, with cheese, I'm a bad Jew) with a side of Sauerkraut and a potato knish on the side to split with Sir Forksalot. Because he wanted me to cry, he went with a Jewish Hoagie. Pastrami is never supposed to be served with lettuce and tomato, ever.




My sandwich was huge and very filling, I took half home. Okay, actually I took half to the theater and finished it later in lieu of popcorn. My only gripe is the bread itself wasn't grilled. The meats were top knotch. They were served warm, juicy, and popping with flavor. One of the best sandwiches I've had hands down. The knish was really superb. It was fresh and the potato's were real, nothing artificial in the filling. Sir Forksalot and I had a knife fight to decide who got the last bite. He enjoyed his sandwhich, although he actually had the nerve to complain about there being too much meat. That's right, he complained about there being too much meat on a sandwich served in a Jewish Deli that is listed on the menu as containing four meats. He was most intrigued by the bologna, which he picked out from the sandwich and ate separately. The only real disappointment were the beers. Neither was particularly good. Mine was far too heavy for me, though Sir Forksalot enjoyed it.

We enjoyed our visit so much we returned the following week. That time we fandangoed our movie tickets. We stopped by Michael's and got our sandwiches to go, snagged two bottles of Hard Cider and enjoyed our meal while waiting for the movie to start. Definitely a better choice than the lame-o Cheesecake Factory.

Michaels Jewish Deli: Kickin' it semi Kosher.

Moshulu: Fancy eating on a funny named boat.

To celebrate CreamPuffGrrl's birthday we took a walk on the maritime side to the Moshulu. The floating restaurant is a "four masted steel Braque" according to Wikipedia. One with a rather varied and colorful past including being the inspiration for several books written by Eric Newby. It's also had cameo appearances in Rocky and The Godfather II.

What's with the name? Well it seems that the ship was originally named "Kurt", which is a painfully lame name for such an impressive ship. It was renamed the very baddass sounding "Dreadnought" in 1917 when the US government seized the ship during WWI. However, proving that she was indeed one dizzy dame, Edith Wilson renamed the boat Moshulu to ensure that people would be mispronouncing the name for decades to come.

It's a now a restaurant. Orginally opening as an eatery in 1975, the Moshulu has gone on to survive fire, docking in Camden and still managed to receive a four diamond rating by AAA. The Moshulu isn't cheap: dinner for two can easily top $100+. CreampuffGrrl and I used the tried and true method of getting to enjoy an expensive meal on the cheap: We went there for lunch. Actually, Sunday Brunch.

The Moshulu hosts a "Champagne Sunday Brunch" every Sunday from 10:30 till 2:30. It's a three course brunch with endless champagne for a measly $35. Reservations are required, but we called the day of and still got in easily. Dress code is more relaxed for brunch. This does not mean you get to wear your Phillies baseball cap throughout the meal despite what the jackass who sat two tables down from me thought.

The first thing that hits you when you walk into the ship is the overwhelming smell of chocolate. This is because directly across from the entrance is the dessert buffet, including a 4ft tall chocolate fountain. I managed to miss this sprawling display of sweets initially, until my nose instructed my eyes to seek out the source of the chocolate scent that was wafting in the air.

We had to wait a bit for our waitress to come to our table. This got me a little miffed. I'm very impatient on a good day, and I was dying of thirst. Turned out the waitress was getting a special dessert arranged for the couple next to us who was celebrating their 40th anniversary, so all was forgiven. Once she arrived she was sweet, prompt and kept my Mimosas coming. This is a contrast when a month later I went back and our waiter was promptly at our table side the moment we sat down...and then absent for the rest of the meal. It should never take three tries to get a refill.

During my first visit, there was a special event going on in one end of the boat. This meant we were seated in the bar area. This was quite fine by me, as the sound of champagne bottles popping through out the meal gave it a lively atmosphere and sense of celebration. The bar is bright and sunny, however you'll due best to keep your eyes within the boat. During the day you have a rather dreary image of Camden across the river. Camden is a city best seen from a distance, under cover of darkness. The carpets are a bit worn and should really be updated or cleaned. An odd quirk about sitting in the far end of the boat is that your table and chair lean to the center of the boat. It takes a while to get used to.

The brunch is broken down into three parts. This isn't your local waffle house fare by any means. The first course is served buffet style and has everything from fruit salad to sushi. Notable from this selection was the lobster bisque, which had a fine flavor but was a bit thin. Their house granola and Tahitian yogurt were a simple but lovely combination. The yogurt has hints of honey to it which bounced off the nutty granola.

The second course is selected from either the Breakfast Menu or the Lunch Menu.

I went with the "Coconut Crusted Brioche French Toast Fresh Strawberries, Bananas, Maui Golden Pineapple, Island Rum Maple Syrup"




This was a really sweet dish full of flavors, that missed the mark by a hair due to being rather dry. I was a pinch disappointed. I believe the bread needed to be dredged in the egg/milk mixture longer. The cream that was used for decoration became the savior as it helped offset the dryness. It was a bit of a shame as the flavors were definitely there, and the coconut added a nice texture.



CreampuffGrrl went for the Medallions of Filet Mignon with Shallot Roasted Young Spinach, Yukon Gold Potato Puree, Bearnaise Sauce, Herb Salad, Pinot Noir Thyme Reduction. Her choice was really excellent. The meat was tender, robust, juicy, and booming with flavor. The Pinot Noir reduction was a highlight. No, really it was. It should be bottled like BBQ sauce and sold at the ship's entrance. It was so good, I ordered it when we went back a month later.

Then there was....dessert.





Chocolate covered strawberries, brownies, cookies, fresh whipped cream, tarts, fruit, cannolis, tiramisu, chocolate cake, oh my. I'll break it down for you: Best part was the chocolate covered strawberries and the tarts. Most disappointing was the chocolate cake, which I actually spit out.

In all, a fine meal at a steal of a price.



Moshulu: Fox Tested, chocolate coated CreampuffGrrl approved.

Phở Như Vũ - That's Vietnamese for "Noodle Soup"

Honestly, I have no idea what it means, I just know that Phở Như Vũ is the (relatively) new Vietnamese restaurant in Bear, Delaware. I find some sense of irony that it is sandwiched in between a China Buffet and a Hibachi grill. The first thing that struck me walking in was that there were many Asian costumers in the building, something you'll never see inside of a China House #1. Sir Forksalot and I grabbed a table next to the window, and the perky waitress promptly brought us a pot of tea.




The menu isn't very Americanized. Read: For those ignorant of Vietnamese cusine like yours truly, you'll need to rely on your waitress and fellow diners to point you in the right direction. At the incouragment of the couple next to us, we tried #5 Grilled Beef Wrapped with Grape Leaves $5.95 for an appetizer. The #5 is served with a sweet and sour dip that is very similair (if not just a slightly more watery version) of the dip served at Tasti Thai. The grape leaves are covered with crunchy peanut bits. The beef is saturated with flavor, and surprisingly tender. The production is an interesting combination and reminds me very much of the greek dolmades. I enjoyed the way the delicate sweetness of the peanuts contrasted with the more robust flavor of the beef.


For our main entrees, we shared #20 Grilled Chicken & Eggroll $7.95 and #31 Steak & Brisket Pho. I also had a #89 Strawberry Pearl Smoothie.



I tried the Steak & Brisket Pho first. A huge bowl of Pho was placed infront of me, the broth steaming into my nostrils was full of the smell of fresh herbs and vegtables. It smelled fresh and delicious. I promptly slurped up a noodle so long that the end flew up and hit me in the eye. This is how I learned that the cilantro was indeed very fresh, by the burning sensation in my eye. The soup was surprisingly mellow in flavor, especially when compared to the intense smell. It was easy to imagine eating the soup on a cold winter day with the warmth of the broth and cilantro to warm you up. Sir Forksalot complained that the meat was too fatty, although it did have a good taste. He especially enjoyed the flavor of the broth.

Sir Forksalot had #20 Grilled Chicken and Springroll bowl first. First thing that struck him was the visual appeal of the presentation. He was unprepared for the vermicelli to be cold, however. The bowl is very generous and served with slices of crunchy carrots, beansprouts and cucumbers along with cilantro, red onion slices, and several chunks of marinated chicken breast. The marinade was sweet and the chicken tender. Though all of the flavors in both dishes were very good, they were subtle to the point of being bland. However we both agreed that the waitress may have steered us in this direction because we were obviously new to Vietnamese food. The portions were on the humungus side of big, and we had plenty of leftovers. However I still set some stomach space aside for dessert, in the form of #90 the Flan. While not the best I've had, it was pleasently smooth. Another fine surprise came with the check. The total for two entrees, appitizer, dessert, and fancy drink? $26.85.



All in all, a very pleasent introdution to Vietnamese dining.

Ole Tapas Lounge & Restaurant: Amada of Newark?

Given the recommendation of a friend, Sir Forksalot and I decided to check out Ole Tapas Lounge & Restaurant in Newark, Delaware (pernounced New-Arc, not to be confused with New-werk, NJ). New-Arc is a college town, home to University of Delaware and few thousand obnoxious co-eds who filter out of the bars and into such fine eating establishments as Cluck-U and D.P. Dough. However Newark has aquired several more promising eateries, including Sofrito's and the ultra-hippie delite Home Grown Cafe.

Like many of my favorite places, Ole Tapas doesn't look like much from the outside. Settled into a mini mall next to a income tax place, Ole Tapas looks positively tiny from the outside. Step inside and you'll be surprised by the spacious place, including a lounge area that looks almost too fancy to sully with your drinks. The space is decorated in warm hues of red and clay, splashed with bits of purple and blue. Crescent shaped booths flank the left wall, facing the bar. The booths are comfy, something that my tush values greatly. Our waiter, whose name I did not catch, was polite and attentive. Our waters were never less than half way empty, and any request was met promptly.

They serve a complimentary bread plate, which consists of thinly sliced crusty bread spread with a tomato and pesto. Upon examining their online menu, I believe that it is their Pan Con Tomate. The spread was positively yummy with a strong garlic flavor.

After mulling it over, we decided to go with three Tapas. Setas con Chorizo, Tomate con Cangrejo, Pulpo a la gellega, and Chicken Croquettes. In other words, wild mushrooms and chorizo, crab stuffed mushroom, grilled octopuss with paprika and... chicken croquettes.


From top left: Pulpo a la gellega, Chicken croquettes, and Setas con Chorizo.



Sir Forksalot and I had differing opinions on each tapa, so we'll go one by one.

Pulpo a la gellega: This was a dish I had vied for, and I was rather disappointed. I felt there was a lack of flavor, especially when compared to other things we sampled. The octopus was on melted cheese that I felt over powered the weakly flavored meat. Furthermore, the cheese had a grainy texture to it.

Chicken Croquettes: This was first on Sir Forksalot's list. My biggest complaint was the breading. Between the breading and the oil it was fried in, it reminded me of something you'd get a fastfood joint drive through. The filling was however a cream and smooth mixture of potato and chicken.


Setas con Chorizo: The mushrooms were nice and tender, not cooked till mush or burnt. The flavor was a mixture of garlic, parsley and something stronger I could not identify. The chorizo was tasty, but lacked the ball busting spice I've come to expect in chorizo. The mushrooms were truely exellent, and I could easily see them spread over a fine cut of steak.

Dizzzurt!


Sir Forkalot's after dinner treat. Chocolate stuffed flatbread.



Churros and Spanish Hot Chocolate

Sir Forksalot's dessert we tried first. The chocolate drizzle is a sweet milk chocolate, and the flat bread is stuffed with a very dark chocolate with chopped nuts. The flat bread is crispy and is slightly sweet with a touch of cinnamon. It's absolutely divine.

I'm not saying I enjoyed my dessert best, but I will say that the hot chocolate itself was so delish I wanted to tap a vein and have it flow directly in. My judgment may have been slightly swayed due to the extreme chocolate craving I was under going, however Sir Forksalot agreed that it was spectacular. It was mixture between dark and milk chocolate, sweet but still maintaining the bitterness of dark chocolate. The Churros were crispy on the outside, with a soft sponge cake like consistence inside. Something that caught my attention was the freshness and sharpness of the cinnamon used. Often the cinnamon used to flavor desserts is so weak you wonder what floor it was swept up from.

Ole Tapas Lounge & Restaurant, I dub thee worthy of a return trip. Even if it's only for dessert. MmmMm.

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Ikea Restaurant - I got your swedish meatballs right here, baby.

On a recent trip to everyone's favorite Swedish build-it-yourself furniture store, Sir Forksalot proposed that we sit down to a fancy dinner... at the Ikea cafeteria. Sir Forksalot holds the Ikea cafeteria in high esteem, having been won over years ago when he discovered their breakfast deal: Two eggs, two bacon strips, home fries for $.99.

We each grabbed a tray and went through the cafeteria selecting our dinners. We each got our own entree, shared a bowl of soup and drink, and I had dessert.




Sir Forksalot selected Chicken Marsala over rice with mixed veges. Surprisingly, ordering an Italian dish from a Swedish furniture store doesn't inspire much confidence. However the Chicken Marsala was surprisingly good by my take, better than some I've had at actual Italian establishments. The veges were cooked within an inch of their existence, however. Sir Forksalot proclaimed it not spectacular, but the chicken was tender and tasty. The final word was that it "couldn't be beaten for the price", which sums up this dish. Incidentally, the price was $4.29+tax.

The soup was a hearty vege-lentil mix that I thought was very good, but Sir Forksalot proclaimed it "blah". This recollection is odd, seeing as how I remember him finishing the soup quickly. However, it's my blog not his, so I give it a thumbs up. Soup $1.79 + dinner roll $.35 = Damn fine dinner for roughly $2.




I went with the quintessential Ikea dish, Swedish Meatballs with gravy and mashed potatoes. This is a hearty, stick to your ribs meal that filled me up easily (and then some) with the "small" portion that consists of 10 meatballs. $4.29, and served with a dabbing of their lingonberry sauce. Now while I enjoy lingonberries,at least I do while I'm at Ikea, I have no idea what the hell these things actually are. Are they even an actual berry? Did the Swedes just make this up to screw with us?

For dessert I had the Apple cake, which is absolutely delish. I wish I'd had asked to have it heated, but even cold it was well worth $2.29. I'd actually put this above any of the samplings I've had at the Pinky Rose Pastry shop. The apples still have a bit of crunch to them, and they resist over sweetening them. Instead, they're heavily dosed with cinnamon and a vanilla sauce tops the cake providing much of the sweetness.

Together, we shared a lingonberry/sprite drink at $1.29

All together, including tax, our meal came to about $15.30 for both of us. So although Ikea might not be the world's most memorable dining experience, it is a great place for some good cheap eats.

Ikea Restaurant, giving you fuel for assembling your new entertainment system.

The Factured Prune - Shut your fried cake hole!

During the annual Beach Week (this year hosted by ChopStixx) I got the opportunity to sample several eateries. For the record, The Frogg Pond IS a gay bar, the service there is slower than molasses in winter, and their crabcakes are the salty bits of shit. Claws has the best dinner special in Rehoboth (I'll be reviewing them in a later blog).


There is one place in Rehoboth that I've passed wanted to try for several years now, but always managed to either forget or catch them when they were closed. Just past the turn off for Rehoboth Ave, painted a horrid purple&green and surrounded by flags is the visual assault known as: The Fractured Prune.


Photo Courtesy of Richard Kaszeta, and his food and travel blog Offbeat Eats


If the jarring neon green and grape jelly building doesn't get your attention, the name certainly will. The full story behind the name can be found here, but the summerized version is this: The doughnut shop is named for a Prunella Shriek, a woman who lived in Ocean City, MD during the late 1800's. She competed in dangerous athletic competitions such as skiing and ice skating raced alongside men well into her 70's, often resulting in injuries. As a result, she was dubbed "Fractured Prunella". The Fractured Prune takes it's name from this apt nickname.

I found myself there one morning on my way to soak up the sun. After all, what makes you more ready to slip into your monokini than eating a deep fried circle of dough? Once I made it past the nausea inspiring decor, I saddled up to the counter and found myself viewing a wide variety of glaze and topping options. Unbeknown to me, the Fractured Prune prides itself not only in hot hand dipped doughnuts, but they are also custom made for you with your choice of glazes and toppings. You can also order from a list of specialty doughnuts such as the Blueberry Hill (blueberry glaze, powder sugar) or Chocolate Covered Cherry (cherry glaze, mini chocolate chips).

The clerk greeted me politely and asked if it was my first time. I wasn't quite ready to be on that personal a level with the clerk, but blabbered out "Yes" anyway. A shout of "FIRST TIMER!" cut through the air, and the crew in the kitchen area launched into action. I was more than a bit embarrassed, my Fractured Prune virginity being announced to everyone, but it was made worthwhile when I realized that as a "First Timer" I was entitled to a free doughnut of the day. I knew saving myself for a meaningful fried-dough relationship would pay off.

The sample doughnut I received happened to be one of the doughnuts I was considering ordering, the "Ocean City Sand". It's a cakey doughnut covered with a honey glaze, cinnamon and sugar. They live up to their promise of hot, hand dipped donuts as the O.C. Sand was served warm, the glaze sweet and gooey. It took me several minutes to decide on what to order, but I settled on the French Toast:


Photo Courtesy of the Fractured Prune website.

The clerk took my order and handed me a playing card, the four of diamonds, and told me my card would be called when my order was up. This is kitschy, and we all know I love kitsch. I will take a few moments to bitch though, the location I went to didn't have skim milk, and these donuts are far to heavy to eat with 2%. I settled down and waited for my doughnuts. Blurry photo to follow:



*sigh* I seriously need to keep my digital on me at all times.

The OC Sand was warm and goey, sweet enough to give you diabetes, and heavy as lead. I was only two bites in before my card was called, and my French Toast doughnuts were up.




The French Toast is served with a maple glaze, cinnamon and sugar. It tasted like French Toast, gone naughty. The doughnut was moist and warm, very cake like. The maple glaze was perfect, making me visualize big breakfasts with syrup soaked pancakes. They were a true delight. As I enjoyed the doughnuts, I looked around the interior and discovered that they also offer a treat called "Hole in One". It's a doughnut of your design, topped with a scoop of vanilla ice cream and served on a Fractured Prune logo frisbee. Freakin' awesome!

The Fractured Prune: Diabetes tested, Fox approved.

Beau Monde - Gettin' Snooty with it!

Just when you thought the only places I reviewed were greasy spoon type dives that offered cheap booze and cheaper food, I bring you a review of a fancyshmancy french rest-aurant! Okay, I admit it: It's not really fancy, but it is french!

Beau Monde, roughly translated to "Beautiful People" thanks to Babelfish is a hipster creperie (that's creperie, not crapery) just off of South Street at 6th & Bainbridge that I've wanted to try for ages. Often passed over in favor of the old reliable South Street Souvlaki I finally bitched, and whined, and stomped my little feeties until my eating companions caved.

We sat out on the patio to enjoy the be-a-u-tiful weather that day. We also got to see a car get towed for illegally parking, something that brings a tear to my eye. The patio is small, so make sure you choose eating companions who:
a) You really like.
b) Bathe regularly.

Fortune smile upon me as I sat down to a late lunch with Sir Forksalot, CreampuffGrrl and Spoons Macgee.

The waiter was pleasant and promptly brought us a round of water. I believe that they must have some sort of filtration system in place since their water was tasteless and most Philadelphia water needs to be chewed. Chewless water is obviously a bonus. Under the recommendation from the lovely lass at Passional, CreampuffGrrl and I ordered the Ace's Hard Cider. Yum-Yum-Yummity-Yum! I've never tried this stuff before but I was very impressed. I will be serving it the next time my family invades my house for Thanksgiving! According to Sir Forksalot they also had nice clean bathrooms.

CreampuffGrrl ordered an appetizer of a crepe-pizza. There was a fancy name for it, but alas, I didn't write it down. I am really falling down on the job.



The buckwheat crepe came topped with a tomato sauce with slices of red onion mixed in it. The red onion really brought out the sweetness of the tomato. The cheese was very mild, but yummy all the same and not over powering. I did feel that the spinach could have been sauteed a bit more as it was slightly soggy. CreampuffGrrl said that she felt like a bit of a heel for saying it, but the crepe wasn't quite tough enough to hold up to the toppings. Perhaps a slightly thicker crepe would make it easier to eat. Yes, we both realize that thicker crepe would indeed be a pancake.


Sir Forksalot ordered a cup of French Onion Soup. Crappy picture to follow.

This is what I get for forgetting my digital and having to use a disposable instead. Sigh.


He deemed the soup very good. This was a departure form the French Onion Soup I am used to, as anytime I have encountered it is has been in a beef based broth and BeauMonde was using a poultry stock. While not disagreeable, it wasn't what I was expecting and I was a bit disappointed. Further disappointing me was the lack of Gruyère cheese which I believe truly tops off French Onion Soup with the right amount of robust flavor to offset the sweetness of the onion. Rather, they used emmenthal cheese instead which has a much more mild flavor. This could be because they were afraid of over powering the flavor of the much milder poultry based soup. I think they'd do better to relabel this "White French Onion Soup", as those of us expecting a robust flavor punch were sadly disappointed.



Spoons Macgee skipped the appetizers and went straight for the meat, just as soon as he got done throwing his Red Stripe on me. He had a Ham & Cheese. No, really.



It was according to him both "Cheesey" and "Hammy". Not over sized, he easily finished the entire thing by himself save for a bite given to CreampuffGrrl. Though a source of bitterness, she did not receive a bite that had adequate Ham&Cheese to her liking. She did say it lacked the smokey flavor she expects in ham.

Sir Forksalot ordered the Beef Bourguignon.
That's fancy french talk for "Beef Stew with Booze".



This was probably my favorite of the crepes I personally tested. Sir Forksalot has an annoying habit of ordering things that I like better than what I ordered myself. He felt it was under stuffed. Sir Forksalot, CreampuffGrrl, and I all agreed it needed SALT. The flavor was very good, but lacked the "umph" to put it over the edge of full out toe-curling delicious goodness. The smell and flavor of wine was strong and brought together the rich flavors of beef, carrots, mushrooms and leeks in harmony. It just needed a little more seasoning to be perfecto.


Onward to the "Special".

You can even see my notebook and hard cider in the background! Yay!

CreampuffGrrl and I both ordered the special. A buckwheat crepe stuffed with tomatoes, ricotta, spinach, and prosciutto. CreampuffGrrl was not amused with the abundance of fat and grizzle left on the prosciutto. I have to say I wasn't too amused either, but found it less offensive then she. I understand that prosciutto is a fatty meat, but it should be trimmed down. The spinach again should have been sauteed longer to prevent it from becoming soggy. The flavors were subtle but good, and I did enjoy my leftovers for the next morning's breakfast. CreampuffGrrl and I were also quite astonished at the $17.50 price tag when our bill came. Ours contained no meat or exotic ingredients yet cost almost 50% more than Sir Forksalot's Beef Bourguignon! Bad show, Beaumonde, very bad show.


Sadly, we had to skip out on dessert. We have all decided that next time we'll skip eating our meal there and instead just head over for dessert.

Blue Moon Diner - Gem of Gardner

On a recent trip that took me to New-Fucking-Hampshire I had the occasion to get up at 6am one morning, still very hungover, and leave my hotel room in search of something to eat. For reasons I won't bore you with, I happened to be staying the the small hamlet of Gardner, MA. Gardner is best known as the home of the world's largest chair (Or at least it was around the turn of the century). I drove aimlessly around Gardner in hopes of finding something more promising than the Dash-In/Dunkin'Donuts. I found my way to The Blue Moon Diner. As soon as I turned onto Main Street and saw the pre-fab building of the with it's yellow and blue colors, I knew I was home.

I settled up to a seat at the grill, and was promptly handed a menu by the woman working the counter, who just as quickly filled my request for coffee. First good sign of the day was the coffee which wasn't too hot, too weak, or too strong. Perfect cup of diner coffee. The fact that she promptly recognized my need for extra extra cream, also won me over that much more.

I feel madly in love with the "Ten Commandments" listed on the menu that included "Thou Shalt not covet fast food convenience". I wish I could remember all of them, but I was hunger over and without a note pad. The breakfast selections are named for 50's icons. This is a tribute to the establishment itself, which has been around in varying forms since the 1950's. Charm out the wazoo, it's walls are decorated with editorials, reviews, and old advertisements for The Blue Moon. I selected the "Big Bopper" breakfast with a side order of a pancake. The "Big Bopper" consisted of two eggs, toast, home fries, and corned beef hash. This is where I began to get really giddy: the girl working the grill asked me if I wanted the homemade style corned beef. Turns out they make they actually make their own corned beef hash on site. This was the second sign of a damned fine eatery.

While I waited for my meal, I sat front in center at the grill watching the potatoes cooking on the back of the stove and listening to the chatter between the waitresses and the regulars who trickled in. I learned a long time ago that if you want to find a good place to eat, ask the old locals. That is, ask anyone over the age of 60. Reason being they've been around long enough to know what's good and they know what's hearty rather than hip.

My meal arrived and my eyes grew wide with excitement. The pancake was huge, moist, cakey, and settled in my stomach with a nicely unlike some diner pancakes that hit you like a lead brick. The potatoes were crispy and well seasoned. I believe I detected a hint of onion in them. The corned beef hash...I'm drooling on my keyboard thinking of it. The corned beef is cooked with long thin slices of onion in it, and cooked in a fashion that leaves it soft on the inside with a crispy shell. It was well seasoned with that familar spiciness that good corned beef is known for. I especially enjoyed the fennel seed which really brought out the flavors.




My bill including coffee, extra pancake, and tip came to under $13. This place was truly a delight, and I'll be sure to visit them should I ever land anywhere near Gardner again.

Pink Rose Pastry - Almost Quaint

I'm going to have two blogs featuring places I ate at on a recent South Street trip. Yes, I do eat on South Street fairly often. Shopping at Passional makes me hungry, and they always require you to eat before making a visit at Infinite or Body Graphics. Since these are the top three reasons I go to South Street, it leads to a lot of noshing in Philly.

Today I'm going to feature The Pink Rose Cafe. Sir Forksalot, CreampuffGrrl, and SpoonsMacgee went there one evening after a day of shopping. I've been there twice in the past. Once I was ignored by the two people working behind the counter for so long I skipped out and went across the street to Famous 4th Street Deli for cookies instead. The second time, I had a very nice time and the service was friendly. However on the third time out of the gate, I think I have to give up. Our waitress acted very put out by our presence. My original selection wasn't available, so I asked for a few minutes longer to decide. I went to the counter to tell her my order (as she was the only one there and currently getting our drinks) and she ignored me, walking by me twice.

The decor is done in a shabby-chic french countryside look, heavy on the pink. This look would be better accomplished if you couldn't see into the very industrial, cramped, dark, almost dirty looking kitchen area. This would be a fine time to invest in better lighting or block off that area from view. They also have a large snapple refridgerator that throws off the look as well, not to mention causing the place to lose several notches in my book for serving snapple tea rather than the real deal.

Their bathroom is a tiny closet tucked away in the corner. The sink leaks, and the this literal water closet (it's as small as one) reeks of my Grandmother's house - like stale cigarettes. Using the bathroom is a challenge for anyone who weighs more than 150lbs, as you will have to twist yourself inside out to get into the facilities.

If you take the time to walk through the bakery and read all of the plaques on the wall, you'll realize the bakery has actually won many awards for it's baked goods. Look a little closer, and you'll notice the dates which tell you this place used to be a really awesome place to eat....In the late 90's.

Here's the lowdown:

-Iced coffee is so bitter you'll wonder what tar pit it was scraped out of. I like strong coffee, but this stuff could have powered my SUV for at least five miles.

SpoonsMacGee had an Ultimate Brownie:


Price: $4

He deemed it "delectable". Obviously too large for a person to eat in one sitting, unless said person had recently had a bad breakup or was suffering from an especially heinous case of PMS, this brownie is meant to be shared. He said it felt like once it hit his stomach, it expanded like a ballon being inflated. Despite this statement, we have no reason to believe he is a drug mule, simple that this is one heavy piece of chocolate goodness.


Next up, Sir Forksalot's Millinais:


Price: $2

What the hell is a Millinais? It's a french hazelnut flavored sponge cake. That's how the menu described it, although Sir Forksalot said it ate more like a pound cake. Very dense, crispy on the outside and moist in the center, covered with powdered sugar. This was the smallest of the desserts we ordered, and could be easily enjoyed in a single sitting. I had a bite, and although I wasn't blown away it was an enjoyable bit of sweetness that would go well with a good cup of coffee and morning paper. Obviously, not coffee that you got at the Pink Rose.


CreampuffGrrl ordered the Raspberry and Creme Napoleon.


Price: Err... I forgot.

According to her, it was dynamite. Right mixture of Raspberry Preserves and Creme, it had a light taste and a touch of tart from the raspberries. However, due to the toughness of the pasty, you needed a steak knife to eat it. Her attempts at using a fork and butter knife left her looking like she'd been involved in a cocaine bust. I did get to enjoy a bite of hers, and I will say I was envious of her pastry choice.

And finally, my Signature Eclair


Price: $7

The picture doesn't quite capture how incredibly massive this thing is. It's literally the size of a softball, and then some. I only ate a quarter of it, and forced CreampuffGrrl to take a quarter of it home with her. The cream is isn't overpoweringly sweet and the chocolate is semi-sweet, however I wish they'd top it with more strawberries to give it a better balance of sweetness. My main axe to grind was the puff pastry. Any part not covered in chocolate was stale as a crouton. Not enjoyable at all. It seems that although enjoyed by my companions, the Pink Rose Cafe and I are doomed to dislike each other. Especially after I read that the Signature Eclair is mentioned in the book "Good In Bed" that I particularly hated.


Though my dining companions might not agree, my final vote is to skip this wanna-be tearoom and head across the street to Famous 4th Street Deli where they give you a smile with your cookies.

Jim's Steaks: Better than Pat's or Geno's, for real.

In Philadelphia, the battleground for cheesesteak fame has always been at the intersection of 9th and Passyunk. This is where the legendary Pat's Steaks and Geno's Steaks are located at, catty-corner from each other. Each of these establishments claim to have invented cheesesteak, and inturn have the better cheesesteak. Pat's tries to booster it's claim to cheesesteak superiority by having the rudest little shits in all of South Philly running the counter. Geno's, meanwhile, tries to booster itself by drowning out the light of the moon with more neon lights than a Las Vegas go-go bar with half the taste. I've eaten at both, and each left me with the same feeling: that I needed to floss vigorously to get the half a cow out that was still stuck in my teeth.

My cheesesteak heart has come to belong at the corner of South&4th St, at Jim's Steaks. I have never been there anytime of day when there wasn't a line, usually out the door and around the corner. The guys at the counter are in a hurry and you'd best be ready to order when you get to the counter, but they won't cop an attitude if you don't use the "proper" ordering lingo. When my good friend Soda-Frybread was in town from Phoenix, I took her to Jim's South Street location to satisfy her cheesesteak tooth.


The counter at Jim's, smell the cheesesteaky goodness.


Jim's has a distinct Art Deco style. You can see the black and white sign like a beacon in a sea of neon. The tile and signs are all set in black and white, fitted against the chrome counters, fixtures, and stove. You've heard of the velvet rope? At Jim's they have a chrome rope, helping to keep people from jumping the ever present line.

While waiting in line at Jim's, and you will be, you can spend your time reading the walls which are decorated with reviews, articles, and pictures of famous patrons. This is especially helpful if the D-bag in the pink Abercrombie t-shirt behind you in line starts running his mouth about how you'll never be able to get a seat upstairs. Behind the counter Jim's has several glass refrigerator cases full of drinking options including Yoo-Hoo, Dr. Brown's sodas, and beer. The smell of the meat and onions cooking on the grill will make your mouth salivate like teenage boy opening his first girly magazine. In true Philly fashion, the steaks are served on Amoroso rolls. You can get your order to go, or to eat in the up stair's dining area. Soda-Frybread and I each got "Whiz,wit" or roughly translated from Philadelphianese: Cheesesteaks with fried onions and Cheez Whiz. Soda-Frybread also got a package of Tastykakes to complete the quintessential Philly meal.

Soda-Frybread's Cheesesteak:




The cheesesteaks at Jim's are juicy and flavorful. I'll allow that Jim's steaks are kind of greasy, but this is a cheesesteak, not a soy burger. The onions are cooked till they are tender and sweet, and the salt of the Cheez Whiz compliments them. I've had the cheesesteaks with provolone cheese, which are good but have a heavier cheese flavor. I washed down the salty, greasy, cheesy goodness with a Dr. Brown's Cream Soda. If it's available, get the Pennsylvania Dutch Birch Beer.

The Cheesesteak aftermath:



I always suggest eating in the upstairs dining area, which gives you a panoramic view of South Street. Seating is limited so you may need to make new friends in order to get a seat. If you snag a spot by the window you can enjoy your meal while watching the on going scene on the street below.


View from Jim's:




Jim's is well worth the trip into center city, the fight for parking, and the long wait. According to Soda-Frybread, it's even worth a cross continental flight!

ChesDel Diner: Well, sort of.

As someone who comes from the state home to more diners than any other, New Jersey, I'm a bit of a Diner Snob. Scatch that. I'm a full blown diner elitist. Three rules of diners:

1) Must be open 24hrs, or as close as possible in accordance with local laws.
2) Must have rotating mirror-ball inspired dessert case.
3) Must serve breakfast all day.

ChesDel Diner of Odessa, Delaware is no such beast. They are open limited hours, including closing at noon on Monday. They do not serve breakfast all day. They do have have a rotating mirror-ball dessert case, but it's offerings are rather weak. While the restaurant (it is NOT a diner) does offer some kitchy appeal with the original prefabricated building that characterizes "diners" still intact, albeit hidden beneath two large additions. Several of the booths in the front grill area have 1940's era newspapers shellacked onto the table tops, which provides you with entertainment while you wait. Prices are a bit on the high side for my taste ($6 for half a Belgian waffle with no sides? but stick to the basics (something fried, something with eggs) and the prices are more reasonable.

Sir. Forksalot and I decided to check it out for a late breakfast. I know the ChesDel is known for it's daily rotating of specials and was excited to check it out. Despite our chilly reception from the waitress whose lips were never in danger of pointing upwards during our entire meal, we were excited to try out their breakfast offering. He decided on the cream chipped beef with scrapple, and I went with the half a Belgian waffle with fresh local peaches and whipped topping. Because we wanted to fully solidify our commitment to solidified arteries, we added on a side of homefries and corned beef hash.




First up, my Belgian waffle. This was pretty disapointing. While the waffle itself had good flavor, it had a rubbery texture that made me suspicious it had been nuked in a microwave rather than freshly poured over a griddle. Making matters worse was the because it was already slightly soggy, the peaches made the top a wet goey mess. The peaches were perfect, sweet, and ripe. However the ability to cut fruit does not make you a chef. My final gripe was the whipped topping. It tasted like something you'd find served beside at a hospital, and then only to very sick patients who wouldn't be around long enough to bitch. Serioulsy folks, if you're too cheap to spring for real whipped cream, at least make it Redi-whip?



On to the sides! We really have a good and bad side here. On the right, homefries. These were a major let down. The homefries were thin sliced like my Mom used to make, which made me hopeful. Till I took a bite that is. The homefries had been cooked in under heated oil, leaving them soggy rather than crispy. This might have not have entirely been the cook's fault. I quickly realized the potatoes had been sliced so thin that cooking them at all risked making potato chips rather than homefries. I did get the down low on the homefries, it seems they recently changed the way they were making them. Before they were chunks of fried potatoes which were much better. C'est la Vie.

The savior of the side dishes was the corned beef hash. Sir Forksalot and I nearly had a duel to the death over the last bite. This stuff never came anywhere close to a can. Cooked to perfection, with a warm inside and a nice crunchy layer outside, these babies were a delight to the mouth. Big chunks of corned beef maintained the texture along side cubes of potatoes. The spices were right on tract, even including a bit of fennel seed for kick.



Sir.Forksalot's cream chip beef, eggs, and scrapple. Not too shabby. I'll skip over reviewing the eggs. Anyplace that can screw up "two eggs, over medium" should be shut down on principal. The cream chipped beef had a nice subtle tang to the gravy which was creamy, with no lumps or gritty aftertaste you often find. The downfall of many a cream chipped beef is a lack of the vital ingredient - the chipped beef! However the ratio of gravy to beef was plenty generous. The scrapple was well cooked, fried for a nice crispy outside and mushy inside of things you don't want to know about. I'm not sure what brand they used, but it had a nice peppery spice to it. Dipped in a little maple syrup it was a savory-sweet pig intestine treat.

The coffee, a vital part to any diner experience, had a good flavor but was a bit weak. Stick to the iced tea instead. All in all it was an okay dining experience. The cornedbeef, cream chipped beef, and scrapple were really excellent. If the service had been a bit friendlier and the waffle not been nuked, I would have a much more glowing report. But, if you're in the area it's worth checking out if only for the corned beef.

Sir Forksalot says: Get off my scrapple, bitch!

Lickity Split: Home of the best lunch bargain on South Street.

Three things I love: Good food, booze, and a bargian. When all three of these things combine, it makes my inner foodie/alcoholic/cheapskate sing. After a hard day of shopping and body modification on the world famous South Street my traveling companion of the day, ChopStixx and I went in search of lunch. For those of you unfamiliar with South Street, allow me to enlighten you: South Street is a cornucopia of eateries and shops. You can choose from middle eastern, vegan, French, bar fare, Thai, kosher, sushi, etc all within a few block's span. Lunch is easy to find. Picking one place...that's where it gets tough. We strolled for a few blocks, not finding anything that really called out to us. Then we spied a sign hanging outside of Lickity Split that would live in infamy:





16oz of Pabst Blue Ribbon, shot of Power's whiskey, and a slice of pizza for $5? Oh, talk dirty to me.

In the upstairs bar our friendly bartender took our orders and set out our drinks for us as our pizza warmed in the kitchen. The second floor bar affords you a nice view of South Street, and across the street into Jim's Steaks. This is prime people watching, if you're into it. ChopStixx and I overfed the digital jukebox before getting down to the very serious business of getting drunk during the mid afternoon. With a happy little dance, we found that the jukebox contained Dropkick Murphy's, Flogging Molly, and Queens of the Stone age. Rock out with your PBR out!



I admit, I was hesitant. I figured if nothing else, the pizza slice would be puny and tasteless. After all, once you're half loaded on cheap whiskey and beer your taste buds have usually ceased proper function anyway. Au contraire, my sweet. Imagine my shock and delight as our bartender rolled out of the kitchen toting this:



Quite possibly the biggest slice of pizza I've ever seen. Tastey too! Despite being half in the bag at this point, I will make two complaints about the pizza: The sauce needed a little more oomph and the cheese was lackluster. However the crust was solid, and the sauce carried enough flavor that an extra sprinkling of garlic salt and hot peppers brought the flavor out nicely. But the portions were gigantic, and it satisfied a mean hunger.


For less than the cost of a value meal at Mc.D's, we satisfied our hunger, got drunk, and had a bar side sing along. Sweet!

To Lickity Split, we dub thee the finest lunch deal in all of South Street!

ChopStixx tested, Fox approved!

Holly's Resturant and Motel: Country friend finery, or prickly pickle?

My travel companion Sir Forksalot and I were making our way home from a swanky wedding on the Chesapeake, hungover and all partied out, when I spied a sign on the horizon for
Holly's Restaurant and Motel. Surely, this is the type of establishment that would cater to my need for a deep friend hangover remedy. After giving Sir Forksalot a nudge, we busted a U-turn on R. 50 and headed in.

The restaurant and motel practically scream "kitsch" something that warms my soul. Where there is a lack of taste in decor, it is usually made up for my taste in food. We slid into a booth and took a look at the menu. Prices seemed reasonable, maybe even cheap. This added to my glee, after all, what Jewish girl doesn't love a bargain? I settled on the Chicken Special: Three pieces of friend chicken, with two sides (I chose macaroni&cheese and fried green tomatoes) and cornbread for a measly $8.50. I also ordered iced tea, which was real honest to goodness tea and not that powdered shit some places try to pass off as drinkable. We passed the time waiting for our meals by playing with the paper place mats, that sported a State Capital naming game. We quickly learned that alcohol is a bad thing that makes you believe that Blackfoot is the capital of Montana.



The chicken was moist, hot, and crunchy. It had just enough seasoning to have some bite. The fried green tomatoes had a fresh tangy zip to them. And the macaroni and cheese? It came out with little angels fluttering around it, lit from within with the grace of god. The cornbread was sweet, but a bit dry. I also got an apple dumpling to go that lasted for the next two days due to it's enormous size. If you're in the area and on the go, bypass the fast food chains and pick up a Family Pack of Chicken to go. It's 8 pieces of chicken, four sides, rolls and butter for $13. That's less than KFC and without the gastrointestinal distress.


Fox tested, Sir Forksalot approved.